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So last night I set out to shoot something that had been lurking in my brain for some time now. I wanted to do a Last Supper. But with all mentally disabled adults. Which was what happened.

It was absolutely nothing like I expected....

First it was a challenge just getting there. The facility was in Corona and traffic was insane.

I met Colleen, one of the directors, who set up and organized the entire event and we walked through what was going to happen…not that this was actually possible.  

So at 6:30 these amazing individuals come in. Their disabilities cover a wide spectrum. Some like John (who we chose as Jesus) were incredibly social and communicative and some were nearly unresponsive and non-verbal. Some could walk, some could not. You know the saying "Men make their plans and God laughs?" I was prepared for this to go off the map, but I didn't expect the map to be dispensed with altogether right out of the gate.

The first thing I realize is that any moment of solemn focussed silence was immediately out the window. There is nothing silent about the vast majority of the group. The second thing I discover is that they love having their photos taken. This however entails grinning broadly at the camera and yelling, "CHEESE!"

Then on the first shot, my camera dies. The shutter doesn't even close. It's probably the battery and my spare is now mysteriously gone. I had shot with it just fine 24 hours ago and now it is totally inoperable. The staff is all behind me and we laugh as I keep muttering to myself, "Ok, you're a professional, think of something."

John politely reminds me, "Kevin, I'm waiting VERY patiently. VERY patiently, Kevin!" I have my digital but that wasn't going to cut it for the size I wanted to do it and besides this requires film. I have no 35mm film, so that leaves me with the Holga.

The Holga is an $11 plastic camera that has seen better days. The shutter is a simple spring and over the past year has become rusty so it often doesn't fire. It's also missing a clamp to keep it perfectly shut.
But it's all I have.

So I load it and shoot, clamping the loose back shut back with my fingers. Half a dozen of our group find the strobe going off the funniest thing in the world. I shoot a frame then there is a chorus of giggling and laughter. For what it's worth, they are having the time of their lives. I on the other hand am thinking this is never going to work. For them everything becomes new every 4 seconds or so. I'm shooting a party watching fireworks with a leaky plastic camera. I keep shooting and quite honestly I have no idea what I'm doing anymore.

John has been clutching the bread in his hands for about ten minutes now. I have him hand it out.
"Here's some bread, Joshua! Here this is for YOU, Debbie!"
Some eat, some look at me. A woman holds a rag in her teeth. I am in an ocean. I am both moved, bemused and trustingly resigned. This, in my parlance, was an obvious God thing.

We finish up. By this point I have it or I don't and we've pretty much come to the end of how long they can sit in place. They begin to head back to their rooms and give me hugs. It was the shoot that I officially had the least amount of control or influence in.
As a final earthy punctuation, I discover someone's accidentally peed on my Bible.

I think I shot 4 rolls. Maybe 5. And I have no idea whether any of it is going to turn out let alone work. It may not. I haven't even looked at the digital. I'll develop the film today and then I'll know. It may be that this was all to have them have a great night. But it may also be like Good Friday when all of our power went out and people picked up candles to view the Stations. You are forced to make different, unthought of choices because your initial ones are taken away.  I'm about as removed from the process as possible. Which I believe is also the point….

I'll know soon enough....